I can totally relate to the prodigal son after he squandered his wealth (Luke 15: 11-32). I resonate with the feelings he had when he was eating with the pigs, thinking he could back to the father as a slave. SOmetimes I waited a few days or even weeks before talking to Him because I wanted to have a period of proving myself. In doing this, I acted like a slave and obeyed as well as I could. I figured I could still serve Him even though I felt uncomfortable having a real conversation with Him.
Have you ever felt this way? Do you ever want to distance yourself from Him because you feel so much same over your sin?
This was a regular pattern for me. I wanted to prove that I was sorry for what I did by being faithful for a period of time. I wanted to develop a good track record before pursuing my relationship with Him again. I wanted God to see that I could be a good servant. Then I felt good enough to talk to God again. But God didn’t want a good slave who tried really hard. He wanted me to see that He was a good Father. He wants intimacy.
– Chan, Francis; Forgotten God: Reversing the Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit; David C. Cook Publishers; Colorado Springs, CO; copyright 2009; p. 113